Day 4: Your biggest fear as a single person.

Day 4:   Your biggest fear as a single person.

Hmmmm... I guess I'm afraid of never finding my one true love and living happily ever after. I know it sounds childish but underneath this tough girl exterior, *snicker, I am all smooshy and romantical.  I don't expect to have everything be perfect and drama free.  I want a healthy, honest, loving relationship.  

Dating hasn't been the easiest activity I've partaken in.  I had been out of the dating loop for fourteen years.  I tried internet dating and that was so awful.  The guys I encountered never seemed to want to get to know me.  They cut right to the chase and just wanted sex.  It started to affect my self esteem, like is that all I'm worth?  So, I deleted my accounts.  It's kind of hard to meet men the "old fashioned" way.  It's not like I go out to bars and clubs.  I'm a momma for Pete's sake!  I'm so busy working and taking my babies here and there.  The men I do meet, from my children's activities, are happily married or are in relationships.  

I'm a patient woman and I'm not desperate.  I can wait but in the mean time I'd love to just go out to dinner and just hang out with someone.  I have friends that I love dearly and when I can, I definitely hang out with them.  I'm talking about a more intimate relationship.  Someone who wants to cuddle or walk hand in hand.  To get an awesomely big yummy hug from.  Someone I can share my dreams and aspirations with.  Even vent a wee bit, when I've had a hard day... 

*sigh I know that's a lot to ask for.  It seems to me that not to many folks want to be that available or that vulnerable.  It's scary, I know.  I'm so afraid too!  Maybe that's another thing I'm scared of.  Being vulnerable and open and susceptible of getting hurt.  I'm afraid of taking it to the next level and possibly losing that friendship.  What if it doesn't work out?  

Being single isn't scary... Going into a relationship scares the shit out of me!  I failed in my last one, not that it was entirely my fault.  I know what qualities in a man I am looking for.  I am afraid, I may screw it up.  I keep saying this.  I've shared my concerns with my friends and confidants.  They believe in me.  I kind of believe in me.  The strong woman in me can do it but the scared little girl needs reassurance.  I know that we would need to communicate and be open to suggestions.  I just don't want to fall back in to my old patterns of being defensive and afraid to give my opinions. 

I trust myself to find the practically perfect man for me.  I am aware of my bad decisions when it comes to dating.  I know I'm worth it!  Again, I am extremely  patient and am in no great rush.  When the time is right, I don't think I will have any doubt's about going into a relationship. (I hope. Fingers crossed.)

Day 3: Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

Day 3:  Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

I am racking my brain on this particular question.  I had to sit and contemplate about a single moment on why being single as really awesome.  It's not like I started going out and partying like I did when I was in my 20's.  I am over forty and have two teenagers.  I get home and I whip off my bra with a grateful sigh, I take off my shoes and put on my fuzzy slippers and sometimes, depending on what I'm wearing, I put on my pj's.  I live a very glamorous life, dontcha know...  Ha!!  I was talking with my friend Moshe this morning about how hard it is for me to go out once I get home from my long day of carting my kids around and work.   

I think the day I remember the most for being an awesome day of being single was July 5, 2010... Nice specific date, right?!

It was the day I became single after a tumultuous  fourteen year relationship with my childrens father.  I guess technically it wasn't that day, but it was the last day of living in the house we shared.  He pretty much stopped coming home eight or nine months prior.  It was great.  He was never present physically, mentally and emotionally, in our relationship and family anyways.  I wasn't even upset that he was having an affair.  I was super stoked that I had the place to myself with my kids.  I had grown accustomed to being on our own.  I learned to just do things on our own.  But there he was always there, somewhere, doing whatever it was.

During those fourteen years of unwedded "bliss" I learned to supress my emotions.  I tried not to cry or to show any vulnerability whatsoever.  Now... I cry just reading a headline.  My son always catches me before.  "Are you going to cry now mom?  Go ahead, let it all out."  I feel like a great big black cloud has been lifted from me.  I'm not saying it's been easy but it's way easier than it was before.

I had made a point of not rushing into another relationship, like many folks do.  I wanted to take the time to heal and grow.  It took about two years to work through my pain.  Yes, even though I was unhappy in that relationship, I mourned it.  I felt like I had failed.  I really wanted my happily ever after.  I am not bitter or angry.  I grew in so many ways during that time.  It was a rollercoaster every single day.  I not only got two beautiful children out of it, I was given two lovely step sons and an entire family of in-laws.  I've always wanted a big family and I got it.  I even consider my step sons mom and her family my in-laws.  LOL!! I love them all dearly.

I really want to experience my happily ever after but I gotta say, being single isn't all that bad.  I now know what I want in a partner.  I now know my self worth.  It took me a long time to get here.  I am a late bloomer and I know my time is coming.  I'm a pretty patient lady and I know that my time will come soon enough.

Day 2: Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked

Day 2:  Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked

I can honestly say that, I am truly ok with being single.  I have two beautiful children that keep me awfully busy.  I have a great group of friends that I hang out with, some in relationships and some single.  I believe that I only ever felt lonely and sad was in my fourteen year relationship with my kids father.  

My boss and friend Saundra has said, you were single even when you were with him.  I learned how to be independent and how to enjoy my own company.  

Holidays don't even get me down.  Although, it would be nice to kiss someone under the mistletoe during the holidays, kiss someone at the stroke of midnight on New Years, maybe even have a Valentine or cuddling with someone while watching a movie, when it's chilly, while watching the sunset, or basically anytime is a good time to cuddle.  Seriously, I really don't mind being single.  I have a stuffed Stormtrooper who I cuddle with every night and yes, I'm a nerdy girl. By the way, cuddling with my kids isn't the same thing.  It's a totally different kind of cuddling.  

If you haven't yet figured it out.  I'm an optimistic, glass half full, hopeful romantic, feet firmly planted on the earth, smart ass.  I try not to dwell on the negative, it's draining and I rather enjoy smiling and being in a good mood.

A couple of years ago, my car broke down.  My kids had to stay with their father because we live quite a distance from their schools.  I had to take the bus to and from work.  I came home and my kids were not with me.  Even with my parents close by, who I see almost daily, I felt so unbelievably lonely.  I had lots of time on my hands.  I didn't hang out with my friends.  I just kind of sank into a sort of depression.  I was so aware of my loneliness and my being single.  Maybe that's why I don't get bummed about being single.  My kids keep me so busy.  They also keep me focused on who I want in my love life.  I am not quick to let anyone in my heart.  I had such a rough go with their dad, that I knew what I didn't want in my life. 

 I also made it a point to not jump into another relationship until I healed from my last one.  In my line of work, I've come across many new relationships, marriages, break ups and make ups, affairs, and rebounds.  I learned from their mistakes as well as my own.  I have seen some beautiful unions and have taken what I can from those.   

Being single doesn't suck.  It's not ideal either.  I know my time will come, until then I will enjoy my own company.  

Day 1: Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

Day 1:  30 Day Blog Challenge

Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

This question doesn't bother me, in the very least.  I've been a hairstylist for 22 years now.  I've been self employed for 17 years.  Everybody knows my business.  I gladly share my life experiences with my colleagues, clients and friends. 

I've been single for about five years now.  I'm not terribly lonely.  I've got two beautiful, healthy kids, who keep me amazingly busy, close friends, who I hang out with from time to time.  I kinda date every now and again. 

It's funny, the ones who asked me that question, "And why are YOU still single?" were the guys on the dating sites.  After hearing that same 'ol question from these guys constantly, I figured it was just another pick up line.  They would ask, "How is a beautiful woman such as yourself single?"  I roll my eyes just thinking about it.  These guys, who messaged me, were sweet talking me.  Usually the next couple of questions were, "What are you looking for in a man?" "What do you like to do in your free time?" "You look like you have really nice, big breasts." "Do you like big cock?"... Do you see where I am getting at here?  Ee-gahds!!! And you wonder why I am still single??!?!??  I never got past the email stage in these stupid ass dating sites!  I don't even care which one it is, they are all on them.  Needless to say, I no longer have a profile up on any sites, except for Facebook but I don't friend strangers very often, if ever.

So, my answer to said question...
I am still single because I won't settle for less than I deserve.  I am worthy of a great, loving amazing partner.  And, to be quite honest, my kids keep me awfully busy and I don't have time for dating.  Don't get me wrong, I go out with a boy every now and again. 

I must admit that I am scared shitless of going into a relationship.  I'm afraid that if we "take it to the next level" and it doesn't work out, then we will have ruined a great friendship.  I believe, that this is just a product of my own self doubt and past failed relationships.  It's something I am working on currently.  I am older and wiser and more secure of myself, even though insecurity likes to poke her annoying head into my thoughts every now and then.

Being single, for me, right now is easy.  I am content, I have my babies to take care of.  I don't want to lose focus of what we've got going on.  I am happy to take my time and if it happens, it happens but I am in no great rush. 

30 Day Blog Challenge

So... I follow The Single Woman on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest.  I love how positive and inspiring her posts are.  I recently read that she posted a 30 day blog challenge for lent.  I'm not a religious woman in the Christian sense, she tends to post religious stuff, but I loved the idea and I've always wanted to write.  So here I am.  I posted her link, in case anyone is up for the challenge.

http://thesinglewoman.net/2013/10/04/the-single-womans-30-day-blogging-challenge/

The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge

1)      Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

2)      Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

3)      Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

4)      Your biggest fear as a single person.

5)      The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

6)      Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

7)      Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

8)      Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

9)      Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do (For example, I sometimes dance around the house with my cat to Frank Sinatra)

10)   Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

11)   Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

12)   Your proudest accomplishment

13)   Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

14)   Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful

15)   Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

16)   If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?

17)   What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

18)   If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?

19)   What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

20)   Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it

21)   How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

22)   What fictional character in a movie, tv show, or book do you identify with and why?

23)   Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!)

24)   If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

25)   Describe a moment when you “paid it forward.” What happened and how did it feel?

26)   Name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why

27)   Talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.

28)   Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career, Love, etc.

29)   Who is your closest or most special friend that you’ve never met and what do they mean to you? How did you cross paths? Talk about how you “met” them: Facebook, Twitter, an online support group, etc.

30)   Write a letter to your future mate saying whatever you want to say

Invite anyone who you think might be interested to participate. Post links to your blog posts in the comments below so we can all check them out! Or use the hashtag #TheSW30 on Twitter!