I am currently living in my grandmother's house with my two kids. My grandmother doesn't live here. We are staying here until the house sells, which I hope isn't for a very long time.
When my ex and I split up five years ago, I moved back home with my folks. I figured it would be 6 months to a year before the kids and I could move out. Well, then the economy took a crapper... Needless to say, I stayed with my folks longer than anticipated.
My kids and I have shared a bedroom for four years. It sounds sad and crowded but I have to be honest. It was really good for us. My kids were pretty traumatized when their father and I split up and to make life even more stressful, we moved in with grandma and grandpa. The entire household was kind of up in arms. Don't get me wrong, we were welcome with open arms. We get along well for the most part.
My folks don't always agree with my parenting skills. Everyone in my family is pretty opinionated about how I am raising my kids. They didn't like that I kept them at their school and we have to commute every day. I didn't want to yank them from their school and friends. In hindsight, we all know I made the right decision. The first two years were pretty hard emotionally, physically and mentally. My kids had to work through a lot of stuff.
I am a self-employed hairstylist. I have been working at the same place for seventeen years. I don't make a lot of money. I love what I do, truly I do. I love my coworkers and my clients. I love that I can make my own schedule, which makes it easy for a single mom with busy kids. It makes it hard also because I need to work and make money. It's a double edged sword.
I thought my life would be so different. I had a bit of a melt down when I turned forty, two years ago. I don't have any issues with getting older. I plan to live a long ass blessed life. I was disappointed in my lack of accomplishments. I know that I have two beautiful children that I am raising. I helped raise two gorgeous sons as well. I have a loving family both by blood and by "marriage" and by friendship. What I am bummed out about, is that I am not financially successful and I have never been married and that I don't own a home. I know I am not alone in my situation. There are many folks in the same situation or worse. I thought that my life would have been so different.
It did a lot of soul searching and reflecting on my life, up until then. When I saw how hard my life was and how much happier I am now, I just let it go. I journaled about my thirties. I thought they were so fabulous. I tend to be an optimistic about life. I block out as much negativity as I can. My ex was so abusive and his mood swings were so hard to deal with. I had my kids and my work to keep me going. It was easy to not focus on that yucky part of my life. I would dream of winning the lottery or him leaving (That one came true.) and being rescued by a knight in shining armor. (Here's hoping.)
I believe I am where I am supposed to be. It was a tough way to learn but I am grateful for my relationship with my ex. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. He taught me what not to want in a man. He taught me not to depend on a man solely. I now know what a healthy, open and loving relationship is. Not because I have experienced it personally but because I have seen successful relationships. I want that.
All I ever wanted was to find my life mate and live happily ever after with our family... I got a decade and a half worths of life lessons. I was a naive and ignorant little girl who wanted to be taken care of. I learned to be self sufficient. I learned to be responsible and how to take care of not only myself but to take care of my family.
I may not be wealthy with money but I am beyond rich with knowledge and love. I have something that money can never buy. Yes, life would be a whole lot easier if I had a college degree, a successful career and money in the bank but would I still be as enlightened and empowered as I am now? My struggles have made me a very strong woman and I consider myself to being extremely successful. I know my time is coming. I am a very patient woman. In the mean time, I will enjoy my life and what it has to offer me.
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