Day 11: Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

Day 11:  Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

Funny, it's been a year a two days since I last posted something.  I stepped away because I was dating someone.  I was hoping it would be more and I still hope it turns out to be something more, but I have no idea.  So, here I sit in my room.  My kids both ditched me for 4th of July festivities with their friends and cousins.  It sounds like a war zone outside.  I love fireworks but don't feel like watching them.  I've been thinking about this blog and finally finishing it.  So... here goes.

The worst date for me ever... Was over a year ago.  It was with a friend who I went to high school with.  We reaquanted via Facebook.  We messed around a wee bit in high school.  I, honestly, wasn't looking to hook up or date him.  I just wanted to be friends.

He asked me if I wanted to go out to eat sometime.  I said yes.  I happened to get super sick that week.  I was just getting over it when we went out.  He came over to my house to pick me up.  We chit chatted and he met my kids and we took off.

As soon as we went around the corner from my house, the first thing he says was, "Your tits are so amazing!"  Ok.  Here is where it gets a wee bit graphic and quite a bit TMI... He proceeds to say, "I remeber how your nipples looked and tasted."  *sigh... How embarrassing that I am totally spilling my guts on here but, whatever.  We were 15 years old and we made out and did some petting when we were kids.  That was like, 26 years ago!!! I was totally mortified that he had said that!!!  I think he said something else about my nether regions but, I blocked that shit out!!  I thought to myself, is this what this whole night's going to be like?  I will say this, I felt perfectly safe with him.  I knew he wouldn't lay a hand on me, without my consent.  I am not trying to make excuses for him, but I wonder if he was just nervous.  Not that I'm Miss Pimp Momma but, he has no game.  We're old and have no game.  Either way, there's no excuse for what he said.

I believe I changed the subject and we chatted about our lives, kids and just caught up on twenty-somthing years.  He didn't make any more inappropriate comments during dinner.  I actucally had a good time.

On the drive home, when we were close to his house, he asked me if I wanted to go back to his house and make out.  I said, "No, I'm getting over being sick and don't want to get you sick."  Seriously, I am way to nice.  I should have told him to eff off, but I didn't want to risk getting kicked out of his car.

He dropped me off at my house and I gave him a hug and went in the house.  When he got home, he texted me.  He then proceeded to tell me, via text, that he was turned on by me and that he was basically jerking himself off.

He didn't ask me to hang out again.

Maybe, fellas, don't make sexual comments on your first date with someone.  Even if you had a past encounter with them, back in the day.  People change and become more mature.  Unless you made arrangemets to be a booty call, then go ahead with the sexual innuendos.

I'd also like to add... That me, personally, need to have chemistry with someone.  Yeah, we chatted online or on the phone.  But, I need to have a spark when I meet you in person.  Even if we fooled around when we were teenagers.  I am not that same girl.  Yeah, I'm not a prude by any means but come on!!!

Anyhoo... That was my bad date story.

Day 10: Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

Day 10:   Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

1. In America the meaning of the name Samantha is: Listener. Hebrew Meaning: The name Samantha is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Samantha is: Listen; name of God.  Via sheknows.com
2. 1)  Usually a name for a person that is a walking Goddess. Gorgeous to the maximum, fun to talk to, easy to befriend with a sexy booty. Often pulls off the innocent act but she gets around.
3. 2)  A sexy female who if you are not currently dating you should get with. Samantha's are women of beauty and booty and usually a gorgeous blonde. (I'm a brunette) They are all you wish you had and the best choice for a girl friend. (unless you know a Samantha who is a man) 
   
   If you date or dated these gorgeous Samantha's you have all you'll ever need or you are mental and let the best thing you had go, without realizing it. 
   
   Samantha's are the best in bed even if they appear they aren't. Get to know your Samantha because studies show many grow up to be nude models just out of the blue.  Via urbandictionary.com
4. I love my name and it fits me perfectly.  My mom has told me that my father got my name from the tv show Bewitched, Samantha Stevens.  I, myself am a witch too.  No, I am not evil nor do I worship Satan.  I am one with the Earth and Spirit.  I practice love and kindness.  I believe in treating others how I want to be treated.  Ideally Peace on Earth is what I wish for.  I have to say, my feelings are hurt on the definitions I have found about "Witch" on the internet.  They are so hateful and ignorant.  Educate yourselves properly folks.  Really do some research before you make judgements.
5. I would like to think I am a good listener.  I am a hairstylist by profession.  I have many lovely clients who put their trust in me.  I pride myself in actually listening to what my clients ask for.  I have been the unhappy client in the chair, who asked for something specifically and didn't receive it.  If I feel like what they are asking for won't work, then I offer suggestions.  They also confide in me as well.  I really enjoy talking to my friends and clients and hearing about their lives.  If someone needs a friend with patience and a good ear, I am always available.  I have been known to give some good advice and honest opinions.  
6. The second definition is for the cheeky side of me.  I'd like to think of myself as a walking Goddess.  I have a pretty good self esteem and walk with self respect.  From what I've been told, I project myself in a very Goddessy way.  I believe we all should walk around being content and loving our lives.  I don't like to look down or have my shoulders slumped.  It makes me look sad and depressed.  I may be overweight, short and quirky but I am a proud, humble, loving, sexy, friendly, funny, loyal, beautiful, open minded, strong, independent woman.  
7. Don't get me wrong, I have my self-esteem issues, here and there.  We all do.  I think it's good for us to carry ourselves with pride, so long as we have our feet firmly planted on the ground.  
8.   

My mom says that I was named after Samantha Stevens from Bewitched... How ironic that I chose Wicca as my religion.  

Day 9: Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do

Day 9:      Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do (For example, I sometimes dance around the house with my cat to Frank Sinatra)

I have my kids 24/7, I don't get the chance to walk around in my chonies very often... If I were alone I would be walking around naked and sleeping in the nude.  If I were in a relationship, I would be doing the same thing.

The only thing that I do, that I may not do if I were in a relationship is stay in my pajamas all day on Sundays.  It's my only day off, where I don't have to take my kids anywhere or do anything.  If I need to go to the grocery store, I will drag my feet until the late afternoon.  I'm also kind of messy.  I am not very domestic at all.  I would rather do anything than clean or cook.  If it wasn't for my kids, I would rarely cook for myself.  I would survive on cereal and salad and water and coffee.  My mother would often say to my boyfriends, when I was a teenager, "I hope you will be rich because you are going to need a maid and a cook."  Don't get me wrong, I actually do enjoy cooking now.  I've come a long way from my fear of the kitchen.  Actually, it wasn't fear rather more like loathing of the kitchen.  I also would feel the pressure of having to please whomever I cooked for.  I have have come a long way from the loathing.  Again, I do enjoy it but given the choice of cooking or eating out, I'd eat out.  I would rather be served than having to make a mess in my kitchen and having to take time away from my relaxing and general laziness.  I always say, "Of all the Goddess' I embody, the domestic Goddess is not one of them."  

I also talk to myself when I'm alone.  I just kind of say things aloud and make statements.  I talk to the plants and flowers and trees and the birds that I come in contact with.  I would probably still do the same thing if I were with someone.  I'm sure they would find it cute and endearing. 

I sleep with a stuffed Stormtrooper.  I wouldn't mind cuddling up with a real one but in the mean time, he will suffice.  If I had a boyfriend, I honestly giggle at the sound of that, I would leave my stuffed Stormtrooper on my bed and when my boyfriend is over Lil Stormtrooper would be sitting on my nightstand keeping guard while we sleep.  

I am who I am.  Love me or don't.  I'm sure our personal behaviors change a bit when we are in relationships but I would hope that we as humans are true to our Selves.  If the people we date really love us, they will accept us wholeheartedly, flaws, quirks and all.  
In the words of Popeye the Sailor, "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." 

Day 8: Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

Day 8:      Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

The top five qualities in my future mate?  That's a tough one.  So many qualities are running through my mind.  A good friend of mine had me compose a list of the qualities I want the most.  The page is full from front to back.  

1._  He must be humble, sweet, patient and kind but have a back bone.  It's important that he be grounded and a good person.  He should treat people with appreciation, consideration and respect.  Kindness doesn't mean letting folks take advantage of you.  That to me is veritably  important.  He carries himself with pride but doesn't flaunt it.  

2._  He must have strong family values and ideals.  Family is important to me.  They are supportive emotionally and physically.  I would prefer that he have children of his own, for he would have a better understanding of my life with my own children.  He must be present in their lives and provide for them, as a responsible parent should be doing.  How a person treats their family, friends and strangers says a lot about how their character and how I will be treated.  He must also welcome my children in his life and heart as I would his.  I would expect him to respect how I raise them as I would respect his.  Of course, we should always be open for suggestions and advice.  

3._  He must be financially responsible.  I am not looking for a sugar daddy or someone who makes lots of money.  I just want someone who works hard and earns his keep.  I believe that dedication and hard work pays off in many ways, not just monetarily.  It show that we are committed and passionate about our work and our lives.  I understand that we don't always love what we do for a living and I believe we shouldn't settle for the sake of stability.  

4._  He must have a good sense of humor and be optimistic.  I love to laugh and giggle and just be happy.  I tend to always look on the bright side.  I am an introvert, so I'm not all over the place.  I would like him to be slightly introverted as well.  I believe it's a great to keep our inner child alive and active.  Life is to short to be grumpy all the time and negative about things that are out of our control.  I'm not saying I'm constantly positive but let's be open minded about the endless possibilities that we may encounter on this lifelong journey of ours.

5._  He must be loving, emotionally present and vulnerable.  I want my future mate to be secure enough in his own manhood to shower me with affection.  I'm not saying I want to be smothered and worshipped... Well, I do consider myself to being a Goddess, so worshipping would be kind of awesome. LOL!  Being vulnerable doesn't mean being weak.  It means being emotionally open to what may be.  I want to be able to hold hands and hug and be loving and vice versa.  I want to be able to openly communicate my feelings and have him share his innermost thoughts and dreams and feelings without hesitation.

I have read that the qualities we look for in our potential mates reflect our own qualities.  I believe in the power of attraction.  I would hope that I attract someone who has similar qualities as my own.  Of course, there are many other character traits that I am looking for.  These are just the tip of the iceberg.  

Day 7: Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

Day 7:      Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

I am currently living in my grandmother's house with my two kids.  My grandmother doesn't live here.  We are staying here until the house sells, which I hope isn't for a very long time.  

When my ex and I split up five years ago, I moved back home with my folks.  I figured it would be 6 months to a year before the kids and I could move out.  Well, then the economy took a crapper... Needless to say, I stayed with my folks longer than anticipated.

My kids and I have shared a bedroom for four years.  It sounds sad and crowded but I have to be honest.  It was really good for us.  My kids were pretty traumatized when their father and I split up and to make life even more stressful, we moved in with grandma and grandpa.  The entire household was kind of up in arms.  Don't get me wrong, we were welcome with open arms.  We get along well for the most part.

My folks don't always agree with my parenting skills.  Everyone in my family is pretty opinionated about how I am raising my kids.  They didn't like that I kept them at their school and we have to commute every day.  I didn't want to yank them from their school and friends.  In hindsight, we all know I made the right decision.  The first two years were pretty hard emotionally, physically and mentally.  My kids had to work through a lot of stuff.

I am a self-employed hairstylist.  I have been working at the same place for seventeen years.  I don't make a lot of money.  I love what I do, truly I do.  I love my coworkers and my clients.  I love that I can make my own schedule, which makes it easy for a single mom with busy kids.  It makes it hard also because I need to work and make money.  It's a double edged sword.

I thought my life would be so different.  I had a bit of a melt down when I turned forty, two years ago.  I don't have any issues with getting older.  I plan to live a long ass blessed life.  I was disappointed in my lack of accomplishments.  I know that I have two beautiful children that I am raising.  I helped raise two gorgeous sons as well.  I have a loving family both by blood and by "marriage" and by friendship.  What I am bummed out about, is that I am not financially successful and I have never been married and that I don't own a home.  I know I am not alone in my situation.  There are many folks in the same situation or worse.  I thought that my life would have been so different.

It did a lot of soul searching and reflecting on my life, up until then.  When I saw how hard my life was and how much happier I am now, I just let it go.  I journaled about my thirties.  I thought they were so fabulous.  I tend to be an optimistic about life.  I block out as much negativity as I can.  My ex was so abusive and his mood swings were so hard to deal with.  I had my kids and my work to keep me going.  It was easy to not focus on that yucky part of my life.  I would dream of winning the lottery or him leaving (That one came true.) and being rescued by a knight in shining armor. (Here's hoping.)

I believe I am where I am supposed to be.  It was a tough way to learn but I am grateful for my relationship with my ex.  I wouldn't wish it upon anybody.  He taught me what not to want in a man.  He taught me not to depend on a man solely.  I now know what a healthy, open and loving relationship is.  Not because I have experienced it personally but because I have seen successful relationships.  I want that.

All I ever wanted was to find my life mate and live happily ever after with our family...  I got a decade and a half worths of life lessons.  I was a naive and ignorant little girl who wanted to be taken care of.  I learned to be self sufficient.  I learned to be responsible and how to take care of not only myself but to take care of my family.

I may not be wealthy with money but I am beyond rich with knowledge and love.  I have something that money can never buy.  Yes, life would be a whole lot easier if I had a college degree, a successful career and money in the bank but would I still be as enlightened and empowered as I am now?  My struggles have made me a very strong woman and I consider myself to being extremely successful.  I know my time is coming.  I am a very patient woman.  In the mean time, I will enjoy my life and what it has to offer me.

Day 6: Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

Day 6:     Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

I actually agree with this quote.  I believe in the power of attraction.  The definition of the Law of Attraction simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about. Your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest. But theLaw of Attraction gives rise to some tough questions that don't seem to have good answers.  I got the defintion off of Google, fyi.

I consider myself to be an awakened and enlightend being.  I don't radiate as strongly as I would like but I am a work in progress.  

In my five years of being single and coming from an abusive relationship with my children's father, I have had my fill of interactions with men who tried to date me or have dated me.  I was a damaged soul.  I knew I didn't want to jump into a new relationship right away.  I did want to go out and just hang out, or so I thought.   Well, let me tell you what an experience dating in this day an age has been for me. 

When I decided that I would sign up for a dating site or two or three...  Later on I learned that most folks are on the same sites.  At the time, I thought well, this should be easy enough.  My first profile was a biography of what I didn't want.  I tried putting some positive stuff in there.  I got criticized for what I wrote by one guy.  He chewed me out for whatever I wrote.  I rebutted and then he called me a cow and blocked me.  I revised my profile and revised it and revised it, numerous times.  I made it as positive as possible.  

I also checked the boxes for casual dating and short term relationships and friends.  I didn't realize that was code for "casual sex".  I revised it and checked the boxes for long term relationship and wanting to get married... It didn't help.  

I hooked up with a couple of guys.  I dated a few guys.  I chatted with numerous guys.  At first I thought, "Is this how dating is nowadays?"  I hadn't dated since the late 90's.  I'll admit that being pursued by these fellas felt good.  It had been a very long time since I had caught someones attention.  Only a handful of guys wanted to meet for coffee.  Two guys actually took me out to eat a couple of times.  Yet, I wasn't what they were looking for, for a long term relationship.  I was a great catch for sex though.  To bad I wasn't interested in just sex.

I'll admit that I gave myself away more than I should have.  I thought, well if this guy is interested in me, why not?  But it never panned out to be more.  They got what they wanted.  I didn't feel great about myself.  I just wanted to be loved but I didn't want the commitment because I was afraid of being hurt again.  I have kids, I don't need to drag them through another failed relationship.  Actually, I don't every introduce my kids to anyone I date.  I don't want them to think that I'm some floozy who has a revolving door of guys walking in and out of our lives.  

It finally dawned on my that I was attracting all of these types of guys because I wasn't feeling like I deserved a good guy.  I didn't treat myself with the respect and love I deserve.  I didn't feel worthy of their love and affection.  I wanted a relationship at arms distance.  I wanted the rush of just hooking up and leaving.  Well, you know what happens when you come down from that high.  I crashed and felt like shit.  I kicked myself in the ass for letting myself get taken advantage of.  I was ashamed of myself...

And yet I would ask myself, "Why not me?"  "Why am I not good enough?"  "What's wrong with me?"  When I don't feel like I deserve deep love and am not as self confident in myself as I pretend to be.  

I noticed that I pushed away potential mates by saying, I'm really not available.  I let my fear guide me and my love life.  I am afraid of the unknown.  It's easy to feel physical pleasure but to let that pleasure into my heart and soul??  That's utterly frightening!  

I finally admitted to myself that I was selling myself short.  I am worthy of deep love and affection.  Yes, I am cautious.  I am afraid of getting hurt but I am willing to open myself up to receiving love.  I am no ones booty call, side-bitch (I hate that term), other woman, secret lover, etc...

I just told someone, at the expense of sounding desperate and cheesy, "You treat me like a queen, I will treat you like a king."

Day 5: The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

Day 5:  The biggest misconception you think people have about single life.

Misconception?  Hmmm... I feel like this doesn't apply to me so much, since I am over forty, have had a long term relationship and we happen to have children together.  I've been single for five years now.  I know my self worth, most of the time, and I know what I want in a man.  

Although, now that I am over forty, I suppose I would be considered a cougar.  Out on the prowl, stalking prey because I am in my prime and the fellas my age can't hang with my hotness...  Yeah, no.  I don't much care for boys.  I will only date men who are close to my age.   Believe me when I say, those guys can keep up, if you find the right one.

Also, I should be going out and partying and reliving my youth.  Fortunately for me, I'm a responsible mother and am busy either working or carting my kids here and there.  I'm not much of a drinker.  I don't really enjoy going clubbing or bar hopping.  When I do go out, I enjoy going to bar or lounge and just talking with my friends.  I enjoy just hanging out.  I love go out dancing every now and then.  I am not super exciting when it comes to being single.  Yet, I am always doing something.  It may not be glamorous or super exciting but I truly am loving my life.  

I think if you are single, relish being single.  Get to know yourself.  Love yourself.  Appreciate your alone time.  Being "alone" gives us the opportunity to think and contemplate our lives.  It's not easy reflecting on our past mistakes or worring about the future.  The future isn't here yet and the past has already happened.  Take the lessons you learned and keep moving forward.  There is no wrong way to be single nor is there a right way.  It's just being single.  Why try to label it and make assumptions about it.  Go out and live!!  If someone is telling us how we need to behave, they can suck it.  We all live our lives the best way we know how.  

I must say, that being in my relationship wasn't a picnic.  I know many couples who struggle and I know many who are super happy.  I haven't an inkling of what a perfect relationship should be.  I don't wish my coupled friends were single, unless their relationship is as god awful as mine was.  Then I would offer my support, of course. Why do we need to judge or have expectations of how one should live?  Unless it's our own children, then by all means, please guide, jugde and have your expectations!!!  Why don't we all just mind our own business and worry about ourselves and then maybe, just maybe, we can be stoked and live happy lives!!